Humble Beginnings of Uncharted Motherhood

Some people might argue that I have been a mother for 9 months and 14 days, and while I don't completely disagree, I don't think I really stepped into my mom shoes until 14 days ago. I, like most women, walked into motherhood with expectations. Expectations for myself, for my life, for my family and all that surrounds those ideas. Very quickly though, some of my (realistically) unimportant expectations were shattered. I am a self proclaimed O.C.P. (Obsessive Compulsive Planner). Yes, if I could know exactly when, where and how I would die, I would want to know - that's how much of a planner I am. And what a humble beginning I was given at the start of motherhood - a friendly reminder from God that I'm not in control...of anything! In these moments though, raging hormones and all, I felt like the world was coming crashing down at my feet because something wasn't going according to my well thought out plan. It's a friendly reminder that God gives me often, and it's not one that I will deny needing often. 

1. I planned to strictly breastfeed for the first 6 months of Graham's life - I intended to strictly breastfeed for a number of reasons; healthy for baby, healthy for mom, helpful for mom's weight loss, cheaper than buying formula, establishing mother/baby bond, etc. From the start of our breastfeeding experience, literally minutes after Graham was born, we struggled, or at least we were told we were struggling. He latched on okay, but he was very tired right after birth and the nurse told me minutes into breastfeeding that I needed to use a nipple shield. That helped, not that we needed it, but we couldn't keep Graham awake. His exhaustion extended into the days leading up to our discharge from the hospital, but the nurses forced us to wake him up every 2-3 hours to feed. Waking him is tough! We had to strip him down to hi diaper, put cold hands on him, tickle his feet...nothing seemed to wake him up. I was okay waiting until he woke on his own to feed him, but the nurses threatened to formula feed him if we couldn't keep him fed every 2-3 hours. This was so stressful to me, we tried everything and even spent over an hour with a lactation consultant who couldn't get Graham to wake up to eat either. She also told us that I didn't need a nipple shield, which was reassuring to me and my confidence. When we arrived home after our hospital stay, Graham got on his own 4-5 hour feeding schedule and we stuck with that. No complaints here! 4-5 hours of sleep at a time for mom and dad? Yes please! Graham's pediatrician also didn't think his weight was low or anything so we're just going to stick with listening to him when he's hungry.
2. I planned to strictly breastfeed unassisted - As I stated above, I was told minutes into my first-ever breastfeeding experience that I needed a nipple shield so that burst my confidence until the lactation consultant told me a few days later that I really didn't need one. 
3. I planned not to give Graham formula. ever. -  Maybe I was snobby or maybe I was just trying to be cheap, I don't know, but I had hoped to be enough for my son. I had hoped that my milk would be enough to nourish his little body until he was big enough to take solid foods. After an early cluster feed of about 2 hours the first night home from the hospital and still not getting him to stop crying (from hunger), I realized that breastfeeding was going to be much harder and more stressful than I thought. I also experienced a few nights of physical discomfort from other ailments and was given Hydrocodone for the pain. The doctors assured me that the dosage I was given would be transferred to breast milk but would only make Graham sleepy. I couldn't take that medication knowing that I would be passing some onto my little boy, so I gave in and agreed to give him supplemental formula. From that night on he began sleeping, eating, peeing and pooping better and we have been giving him formula ever since. 
4. I planned not to give Graham a bottle until at least 6 weeks old - I've read that it's best not to give a baby a bottle until at least 6 weeks old to avoid nipple confusion. This notion was tossed out the window when we decided to give Graham formula so he's been taking his formula and my pumped milk through bottles since a few days old. I'm actually getting more and more okay with this unplanned change because we're able to tell exactly how much food Graham is getting, and at the end of the day, it's all about making sure he's taken care of and being nourished.
5. I planned not to give Graham a pacifier until at least 6 weeks old - Going along with the nipple confusion bit above, I also didn't plan to give Graham a pacifier until 6 weeks old, but at about 3 days old, Mr. Graham found his fingers, and I know that it will be much easier to take away a pacifier in a few years than trying to get him to stop sucking his fingers, so we rolled with it. 
6. I planned for Graham to sleep in his crib starting on his first night at home - I was worried that if Graham slept in our room, that I would get too attached to knowing he was close by and it would be hard for me to move him to his own room in a few weeks or months so I planned to have him in his room from the start. At about 3 days old, my mother-in-law discovered that Graham could easily roll onto his side, and that was enough for me to say he wouldn't be sleeping in his crib until I knew he could hold up his own head in case he ever rolled onto his belly and couldn't roll back.
7. I planned for Graham to sleep in the pack'n'play in our room if he didn't sleep in his crib - Ahh, my back-up plan for my plan! My backup plan for him sleeping in his crib was that he would sleep in the pack'n'play in our room. Well, we tried that and Graham wasn't a fan so he now sleeps in his rock'n'play. 

I'm thankful that the few bumps in the road thus far have not been serious by any means, even though they feel like huge mountains to overcome at the time. All I can say is that I think God is using these little bumps to prepare me for major bumps in the future, and I appreciate the preparation (what can I say, I'm a planner!). Here's to learning to roll with the punches as my motherhood journey continues!

Happy Living & God's Blessings!

J.M.