Mommy Guilt and the Burdens We Carry

When you find out you're going to be a parent, you try to prepare yourself as best as you can in a number of ways. You start reading as much information as you can get your hands on, you start asking experienced parents every question under the sun, and you start researching baby products and making baby registries, but nothing prepares you for the extraordinary love that sweeps over you when you look at your baby's sonogram pictures, when you see their heart flicker on the ultrasound monitor, when you feel their tiny hand squeeze yours for the first time, when you hear their cries and feel little pieces of your soul break apart, and when you feel the agonizing, self-inflicted mommy guilt. 

My son is four weeks old today and already I have experienced a few bouts of mommy guilt. The first time it hit me was when I was too sick to breastfeed him while taking pain medicine. I thought giving him formula would be temporary, before I quickly realized that I didn't have the patience or physical strength to continue breastfeeding and decided to pump instead. But the mommy guilt continued to follow me around as I soon noticed that my milk wasn't giving my son the nutrients he needed, and I decided to stop pumping and put my son on formula full-time. I felt guilty that I was too lazy, too tired, and too weak to continue breastfeeding and pumping. I felt guilty that my milk wasn't enough to nourish him the way God intended. I felt like a failure.

After talking to other moms, I learned that mommy guilt is part of being a mom and being a parent. We will always find reasons to feel inadequate as parents, worrying that we're not doing enough for our children. In the same way, sometimes we find reasons to feel inadequate as Christians, worrying that we're not doing enough for God, but Jesus died on the cross so that we could stop worrying about doing enough or being enough. To God, through the cross, we are enough. It is important to let our guilt wash away with the repentance of our sins and trust that God loves us, forgives us, and equips us with the skills we need in this life and the next. I can't promise that mommy guilt won't continue to find it's way into my daily life, but at least I know that I have a God who loves me and trusts me to raise another one of His sons in Christ, and I'm going to do everything in my power to raise him well. 

Happy Living & God's Blessings!

J.M.