Honest Expectations of Motherhood & Parenting: Perceptions From a New Mom

When I was 35 weeks pregnant, I decided to put my naive perceptions out there about what I thought motherhood and parenting would be like. I'm definitely not an expert 4 weeks after my son was born, but I thought it would be neat to go back and comment on these ideas as I experience motherhood and parenthood.

1. I will be tired as a stay-at-home mom, but it will be nice having a flexible schedule during the day to squeeze in mundane tasks such as grocery shopping, doctor appointments, oil changes, etc. 4 Weeks Postpartum - I LOVE being a stay-at-home-mom! I don't miss working and I love being able to get house work done and other mundane tasks!
2. Grocery shopping will be a breeze since I will wear my baby in my ergo carrier to keep my cart empty (more room for food) and my hands free. 4 Weeks Postpartum - I have yet to grocery shop with my son, and I tried putting him in our baby carrier today, but I'm not sure how I feel about it yet.
3. I will nail down a great schedule that works well for me, baby and dad. 4 Weeks Postpartum - Yesterday was the first day I tried to get Graham on a schedule and it was the worst possible timing! He was in a terrible mood, crying a bunch and not wanting to nap, so we'll try again another day.
4. I will set aside time everyday to get housework done while baby is in the swing or napping. 4 Weeks Postpartum - This has actually been pretty easy on days when Graham naps!
5. I will take time for myself to blog, look through helpful Pinterest pins, meal plan, work on our budget, and do daily devotions. 4 Weeks Postpartum -  This has also been pretty easy, again, with how well my son naps...on days that he naps.
6. Breastfeeding will be pleasant and after practice we will get it down pat. (I cringe actually typing this one out, hoping not to jinx myself!) 4 Weeks Postpartum -  Yeah....this can be explained here.
7. I will have dinner ready when my husband comes home from work. 4 Weeks Postpartum - This has somewhat been true, but even 4 weeks postpartum we've still been blessed to have lived off of meals and leftovers from friends and family. We are just now at a point where our fridge has been cleaned out and I can finally start cooking again.
8. We will have healthier meals now that I will have more time to cook. 4 Weeks Postpartum - This hasn't happened nor not happened just yet so I'll keep you posted!
9. Baby and I will take walks everyday in the stroller (maybe walk at the mall in the winter months) and we will attend classes and mommy-baby activities. 4 Weeks Postpartum - We do take stroller rides and Graham loves them, but we're still working around so many visitors so it hasn't been the easiest to get a ride in everyday. I also am getting ready to join a local mom's club that has activities for mom's and their children, such as visiting fire stations, having ice cream socials and going apple picking.
10. I will make tons of mommy friends and my husband and I will become friends with parents that have kids the same age as ours. 4 Weeks Postpartum - So far...this hasn't happened yet, but once I join the mom's club it might be easier.
11. In the summer months baby and I will play outside. 4 Weeks Postpartum - I knew this wouldn't happen this year, since the summer is almost over and Graham is still an infant but I have hopes of this happening in the future.
12. We will refrain from showing our child TV and electronics until they are at least one years old to prevent over-stimulation. 4 Weeks Postpartum - So far so good on this one, but it will be interesting to see where we are with this goal in 6 months or a year.
13. We will teach our children to be well behaved and quiet in church. 4 Weeks Postpartum - Graham will attend church for the first time this weekend, but until he's at least 6 months old, I don't think we will really be able to teach him proper manners and behavior, but we can try!
14. We will use baby-led weaning when it's time to start our children on solid foods. 4 Weeks Postpartum - This is not something that we can work on until closer to 5 or 6 months old so I'll let you know how this goes when it gets closer!
15. We will be very involved, but not helicopter, parents. 4 Weeks Postpartum - I would like to think we don't hover yet, but it's quite hard with how cute and sweet Graham is! Maybe when he's not so new we will hover less? (yeah right!)
16. We will teach our children manners, self control, and the importance of faith and family. 4 Weeks Postpartum - Until he's at least 6 months old, I don't think we will really be able to teach him proper manners and behavior, but we can try!

It's already pretty neat to look at this list and see how my perceptions have changed! I can't wait to see how these ideas change as Graham gets older and Andrew and I get more parenting experience under our belts! 

Happy Living & God's Blessings!

J.M.

Mommy Guilt and the Burdens We Carry

When you find out you're going to be a parent, you try to prepare yourself as best as you can in a number of ways. You start reading as much information as you can get your hands on, you start asking experienced parents every question under the sun, and you start researching baby products and making baby registries, but nothing prepares you for the extraordinary love that sweeps over you when you look at your baby's sonogram pictures, when you see their heart flicker on the ultrasound monitor, when you feel their tiny hand squeeze yours for the first time, when you hear their cries and feel little pieces of your soul break apart, and when you feel the agonizing, self-inflicted mommy guilt. 

My son is four weeks old today and already I have experienced a few bouts of mommy guilt. The first time it hit me was when I was too sick to breastfeed him while taking pain medicine. I thought giving him formula would be temporary, before I quickly realized that I didn't have the patience or physical strength to continue breastfeeding and decided to pump instead. But the mommy guilt continued to follow me around as I soon noticed that my milk wasn't giving my son the nutrients he needed, and I decided to stop pumping and put my son on formula full-time. I felt guilty that I was too lazy, too tired, and too weak to continue breastfeeding and pumping. I felt guilty that my milk wasn't enough to nourish him the way God intended. I felt like a failure.

After talking to other moms, I learned that mommy guilt is part of being a mom and being a parent. We will always find reasons to feel inadequate as parents, worrying that we're not doing enough for our children. In the same way, sometimes we find reasons to feel inadequate as Christians, worrying that we're not doing enough for God, but Jesus died on the cross so that we could stop worrying about doing enough or being enough. To God, through the cross, we are enough. It is important to let our guilt wash away with the repentance of our sins and trust that God loves us, forgives us, and equips us with the skills we need in this life and the next. I can't promise that mommy guilt won't continue to find it's way into my daily life, but at least I know that I have a God who loves me and trusts me to raise another one of His sons in Christ, and I'm going to do everything in my power to raise him well. 

Happy Living & God's Blessings!

J.M.

Mommy Must-Haves & Products to Skip

Though I'm only fifteen days postpartum, I have definitely formed some opinions on my favorite products and have some products that I wouldn't recommend for one reason or another.

Mommy Must-Haves:

• FeedBaby App (free) - This app is available on Android and on Apple products and it ROCKS! The free version let's you track when your baby eats, poops, sleeps, when you breastfeed and more! You can pay for extended features but I found the free version to be just as helpful! 

• BabyCenter App - I used the BabyCenter website when we were trying to get pregnant and all throughout my pregnancy, so who else would I trust for getting information about my growing baby and having a place to discuss issues with other moms all over the world!? The app also gives you a helpful checklist to know what to do throughout your baby's first weeks and months.

• Tommee Tippee 5oz Bottles - If you check out my post Humble Beginnings of Uncharted Motherhood you'll understand why I was hoping to wait until at least 6 weeks old to give my son bottles, but ended up needing to give him bottles at only a few days old. I LOVE these bottles because they are great for breastfed babies and they're so easy to use and clean.

• Medela Milk Storage Bottles - These storage bottles fit on my Medela Pump In-Style breast pump but they're also good for storing formula and measuring out water to add to our powdered formula. Love Love Love them!

• Medela Pump In Style - I was able to get this pump from a medical supply store and apply it towards my deductible so that's one reason to love it, but it's a great pump overall! I leave it sitting next to the rocker in my son's room and use it every few hours. I love that it's an electric pump and that it can be single or double. I also asked for an extra set of pump accessories (2 tubes, two bottles, two flanges and filters) which makes pumping and cleaning much less hectic - I always make sure to have a clean set ready for the next time I need to pump.

• Graco Rock'n'Play - This was an item I didn't plan on needing (read why here) and this item itself was purchased by m mother-in-law from our cousin as a place for our son to nap when he visited their house. Lone behold, it's the only thing our son liked sleep in that we were comfortable letting him sleep in. We love it though! We pull it all over the house while he's napping and I love that it folds flat for easy storage or traveling. 

• Bamboobies Breast Pads - I'll be honest, at first I didn't like these because they seemed huge and since they don't have sizes, I felt like they would crinkle and show through my bras, but once I got my milk in, that problem seemed to disappear! Very comfortable and washable!

• Strapless Hands-Free Pumping Bra - I'm glad I asked for this on my registry because I'm able to pump and still do other things such as working on the computer, etc. Keep in mind, you're still connected to your pump which needs to be plugged in so it's not like you can walk all over the house and do chores and such, but at least your hands are free to do small, isolated tasks. I also like that this bra is adjustable.

• Receiving Blankets - I honestly thought I wouldn't use these very much or at least for very long since they're pretty small compared to swaddling blankets but we've used them the most! We like to wrap our son in them or cover him while in the Rock'n'Play.

• Similac Supplement Formula - This is another product I didn't plan on needing (read why here) but it's grown on me and I appreciate having it because we're able to judge exactly how much food and nutrients my son is getting.

• Regular trash can for dirty diapers - I'm very glad that we didn't waste our money on a fancy diaper genie or similar contraption because a regular step trashcan works just fine!

• All Free and Clear Detergent - We decided to try this hypoallergenic laundry detergent before running out to the store to buy special baby detergent and so far so good! We're able to wash our clothes with our son's clothes which saves us time and money!

 

• Ikea Play Mat - I loved this play mat because it's not crazy busy and overstimulating like most play mats. It's simple and effective!

• Infant Pacifiers - These pacifiers are awesome and our son loves them. They are newborn size pacifiers and although I had hoped to wait to give him pacifiers until around 6 weeks old, I would much rather let him suck on these than his fingers!

• Waterproof Changing Pad Covers - We got two packs of these and they rock! As soon as one gets dirty, we throw it in the wash and pull out a new one! We also have one folded in our Rock'n'Play in case our son leaks through his diapers, which has already happened a time or two.

• Munchkin bottle brush - I love this brush for cleaning bottles and bottle nipples and I love that the skinny nipple brush stores away in the handle of the larger brush! 

• Depends Silhouettes - Yes, I know what you're thinking, these are adult diapers. But don't knock them before you try them postpartum! They are equivalent to the mesh underwear and giant pads you get from the hospital, but better! You really can't tell you're wearing these (unless you're in like skin-tight leggings, then you'll probably notice them) but seriously, don't question this purchase, just buy them. You can thank me later.

• Antibacterial Soap - You can't go wrong having antibacterial soap in the house with a new baby, whether making sure guests don't bring in outside germs before holding your new little one or washing poop off your hands, this is definitely a must-have.

• Boppy Pillow - Since I'm not really breastfeeding like I had planned, the Boppy has turned into more of an items that we hand to guests to help them hold and visit with our son. People love it, even men, and think it's the most brilliant invention! I like the Boppy too, and know that it will come in handy as my son starts to get older - he will be able to use it in different positions to encourage his body strength. **BONUS TIP make sure to have at least two Boppy Slipcovers to change out in case baby spits up on one or just for good hygiene purposes. 

• SkipHop Diaper Bag - I LOVE my diaper bag! It's tall but not bulky! I got this diaper bag in solid heather gray and I love the material it's made out of - spills will just wipe off! I also love that it has straps to attach to the handle of our stroller for easy access.

• Black Wristlet - I made sure to switch and wean myself off of a giant purse a few months before my son was born knowing full well that my life would need to be carried in a diaper bag once he arrived. Getting my personal things into a small clutch was an awesome decision because it fits right into my diaper bag without me needing to carry a diaper bag and a giant purse, and I can quickly and easily remove my clutch if our son is visiting with grandparents and I need to run errands, etc. 

• Help from family and friends!!!! - When I read this in so many blogs and magazine articles I thought to myself, dugh! Get help, accept help, yada yada yada, but seriously. I would not have gotten through the first 2 weeks of my son's life without help from our family. My first week postpartum was rough as I went through many physical battles, none life-threatening thank goodness, and the help from my husband, meals from family and help from all of our parents was invaluable! My second week postpartum was my husband's first week back to school (he's a teacher) so it was AWESOME to have my mom stay with us his whole first week of school as I built back my energy and as we tried to find a routine again. If help is available to you, please please please utilize it! I would have been a physical, emotional and mental MESS without help!

Products to Skip:

• Boon Lawn Drying Rack - I was seriously disappointed by this product, not that there's much to it, but I was excited to use it to dry bottles and breast pump parts. I'm suggesting to skip this product because it really didn't promote drying. I could wash bottles before bed and the next morning they're still sitting on the drying rack dripping wet.

• Luvs Diapers - I did extensive research on diaper brands and which would be the best and most cost effective brand. With Amazon Prime or even just in stores, I determined that Luvs were the brand for us because they were the cheapest name brand out there and you could buy jumbo boxes of their diapers. The cheap part definitely stayed true to my thoughts. These diapers could handle a small amount of newborn poop and any more would have caused blowouts in seconds! They are super thin diapers and not very absorbent, at all! These are on my skip list for sure!

• Swaddle Blankets - We asked for swaddle blankets and I have to admit that I was super excited to swaddle my son and use them (did I mention that the patterns were super cute?). We swaddled my son a few times, but he always managed to get his arms free and that's how he likes to sleep, so swaddling blankets proved to be pretty useless in our house.

• Newborn Clothes & Diapers - Our son was 8lbs, 4oz and 20.5" long when he was born. Thank goodness I didn't just pack newborn clothes for the hospital! My son has pretty much been too long to fit in newborn clothes since birth, although some brands seem larger than others, but not many. We also only had him in newborn diapers for about 4 days and realized that they were so tiny on him that if he pooped at all, we would have serious problems! He's in size 1 diapers and 0-3 clothes, all of which are still a bit big on him, but at least we're not cramming his sweet little body into stuff that's too small! 

• Diaper Rash Cream - It's probably because I stay home with my son and am able to perform regular diaper changes, but we haven't needed diaper rash cream yet. We pretty much are able to change on demand and the only time he sits in a dirty or wet diaper is because he's sleeping.

• Johnson's Hand and Face Wipes - Perhaps I tried to use these too soon, but the packaging doesn't specify if these can or cannot be used on a newborn. These wipes made my son's skin breakout so they were quickly added to my skip list.

• Amazon Prime/Amazon Mom - Amazon Prime made my skip list for a few reasons, the first being the movie/TV show streaming is not user friendly and has very limiting movie and TV show options. Also, you pay for the full year upfront, which stinks when the service proves to be useless for your family because you no longer are buying name brand diapers but Target Up&Up brand that can't be ordered through Amazon Mom. The only feature that is worth the money is the free 2-day shipping, but we never order things on Amazon so even this feature wasn't worth the money.

• Medela Steam Clean Bags - I thought these steam clean bags would save me a ton of time from having to wash each piece from my breast pump after every use but I quickly discovered that I still have to use my bottle brush to clean the pieces, especially the flanges, so to me these were not helpful or worth my money and they are on my skip list.  

• Nursing Bras - I made sure to buy nursing bras early in my pregnancy and wear them pretty much throughout my pregnancy to get used to them and how they worked. Since I haven't nursed the way I had hoped, nursing bras have been useless to me, but also I find that wearing sports bras are much more efficient and hold my breast pads better than the nursing bras so I've stuck with sports bras.

What items made your Mommy Must-Have List and your Products to Skip List?

Happy Living & God's Blessings!

J.M.

Humble Beginnings of Uncharted Motherhood

Some people might argue that I have been a mother for 9 months and 14 days, and while I don't completely disagree, I don't think I really stepped into my mom shoes until 14 days ago. I, like most women, walked into motherhood with expectations. Expectations for myself, for my life, for my family and all that surrounds those ideas. Very quickly though, some of my (realistically) unimportant expectations were shattered. I am a self proclaimed O.C.P. (Obsessive Compulsive Planner). Yes, if I could know exactly when, where and how I would die, I would want to know - that's how much of a planner I am. And what a humble beginning I was given at the start of motherhood - a friendly reminder from God that I'm not in control...of anything! In these moments though, raging hormones and all, I felt like the world was coming crashing down at my feet because something wasn't going according to my well thought out plan. It's a friendly reminder that God gives me often, and it's not one that I will deny needing often. 

1. I planned to strictly breastfeed for the first 6 months of Graham's life - I intended to strictly breastfeed for a number of reasons; healthy for baby, healthy for mom, helpful for mom's weight loss, cheaper than buying formula, establishing mother/baby bond, etc. From the start of our breastfeeding experience, literally minutes after Graham was born, we struggled, or at least we were told we were struggling. He latched on okay, but he was very tired right after birth and the nurse told me minutes into breastfeeding that I needed to use a nipple shield. That helped, not that we needed it, but we couldn't keep Graham awake. His exhaustion extended into the days leading up to our discharge from the hospital, but the nurses forced us to wake him up every 2-3 hours to feed. Waking him is tough! We had to strip him down to hi diaper, put cold hands on him, tickle his feet...nothing seemed to wake him up. I was okay waiting until he woke on his own to feed him, but the nurses threatened to formula feed him if we couldn't keep him fed every 2-3 hours. This was so stressful to me, we tried everything and even spent over an hour with a lactation consultant who couldn't get Graham to wake up to eat either. She also told us that I didn't need a nipple shield, which was reassuring to me and my confidence. When we arrived home after our hospital stay, Graham got on his own 4-5 hour feeding schedule and we stuck with that. No complaints here! 4-5 hours of sleep at a time for mom and dad? Yes please! Graham's pediatrician also didn't think his weight was low or anything so we're just going to stick with listening to him when he's hungry.
2. I planned to strictly breastfeed unassisted - As I stated above, I was told minutes into my first-ever breastfeeding experience that I needed a nipple shield so that burst my confidence until the lactation consultant told me a few days later that I really didn't need one. 
3. I planned not to give Graham formula. ever. -  Maybe I was snobby or maybe I was just trying to be cheap, I don't know, but I had hoped to be enough for my son. I had hoped that my milk would be enough to nourish his little body until he was big enough to take solid foods. After an early cluster feed of about 2 hours the first night home from the hospital and still not getting him to stop crying (from hunger), I realized that breastfeeding was going to be much harder and more stressful than I thought. I also experienced a few nights of physical discomfort from other ailments and was given Hydrocodone for the pain. The doctors assured me that the dosage I was given would be transferred to breast milk but would only make Graham sleepy. I couldn't take that medication knowing that I would be passing some onto my little boy, so I gave in and agreed to give him supplemental formula. From that night on he began sleeping, eating, peeing and pooping better and we have been giving him formula ever since. 
4. I planned not to give Graham a bottle until at least 6 weeks old - I've read that it's best not to give a baby a bottle until at least 6 weeks old to avoid nipple confusion. This notion was tossed out the window when we decided to give Graham formula so he's been taking his formula and my pumped milk through bottles since a few days old. I'm actually getting more and more okay with this unplanned change because we're able to tell exactly how much food Graham is getting, and at the end of the day, it's all about making sure he's taken care of and being nourished.
5. I planned not to give Graham a pacifier until at least 6 weeks old - Going along with the nipple confusion bit above, I also didn't plan to give Graham a pacifier until 6 weeks old, but at about 3 days old, Mr. Graham found his fingers, and I know that it will be much easier to take away a pacifier in a few years than trying to get him to stop sucking his fingers, so we rolled with it. 
6. I planned for Graham to sleep in his crib starting on his first night at home - I was worried that if Graham slept in our room, that I would get too attached to knowing he was close by and it would be hard for me to move him to his own room in a few weeks or months so I planned to have him in his room from the start. At about 3 days old, my mother-in-law discovered that Graham could easily roll onto his side, and that was enough for me to say he wouldn't be sleeping in his crib until I knew he could hold up his own head in case he ever rolled onto his belly and couldn't roll back.
7. I planned for Graham to sleep in the pack'n'play in our room if he didn't sleep in his crib - Ahh, my back-up plan for my plan! My backup plan for him sleeping in his crib was that he would sleep in the pack'n'play in our room. Well, we tried that and Graham wasn't a fan so he now sleeps in his rock'n'play. 

I'm thankful that the few bumps in the road thus far have not been serious by any means, even though they feel like huge mountains to overcome at the time. All I can say is that I think God is using these little bumps to prepare me for major bumps in the future, and I appreciate the preparation (what can I say, I'm a planner!). Here's to learning to roll with the punches as my motherhood journey continues!

Happy Living & God's Blessings!

J.M.

Graham Michael 7.23.15

We were scheduled for a Pitocin induction on Thursday, July 23^rd, at 7:30am. We arrived at the hospital around 7am in hopes of getting settled a little early. I was nervous, and excited for the way our lives were about to change, but also uncertain as to how quickly they would change. We were told that the average Pitocin induced labor for first time moms could take about 18 hours – so while we were excited to get things going on Thursday, we knew not to get our hopes up that Graham would make his appearance Thursday, but rather we planned to meet him on Friday. 

The birthing center doors opened and we were walked to our room, which was decorated just for us by our cousin Jennifer! She has also handpicked some of our nursing staff to guarantee us the best experience possible! I slipped on my gown and the Pitocin drip started around 9am. It was a real hoot having to use the bathroom being hooked up to fetal heart monitors and IV’s – Andrew had to unplug me and escort me to the bathroom every 20 minutes! Andrew and I talked and watched some TV until around 1pm when my doctor payed us a visit and broke my water. Can I just take a moment to be appreciative that my water didn't break in public! Holy cow! I immediately began feeling contractions and my labor began progressing much faster than they wanted so they eased off on the Pitocin. I got my epidural around 2:30pm and at about 4cm. All of the medication made me very drowsy, so I slept off and on most of the day. Mom and Dad even came in to visit me but I was pretty groggy and didn’t say much. 

I was checked again around 4pm and I had progressed to 7cm. Our nurse, Lisa (Jennifer’s friend), was so awesome and had been hoping to be there when Graham was born but didn’t think she would get to meet him since her shift ended at 7:30pm. Around 6pm I was about 9cm and I asked her for advice on pushing, since she wouldn’t be there for our delivery (or so we thought). Lisa sat down for about 10 minutes and gave me a great pep talk on how to push and other helpful tidbits. She left my room only for me to call her about 5 minutes later telling her I thought I needed to push. She came back in and sure enough it was time! We got the camera rolling and I started pushing every time I felt pressure (which was a contraction). My “pushes” felt more like I was just holding my breath but Andrew and Lisa said I was doing great. As Graham’s head descended, Lisa said she thought Graham had red hair, and I kept saying, “are you sure?”, because I couldn’t believe he would be a ginger! Andrew was so encouraging by my side as I pushed and Lisa hopped up to call our doctor in. I was so focused on my pushes and was even asked to get 4 pushes in with every contraction. My eyes were closed as each push came and went and I opened my eyes to see my doctor there. 

Pushing lasted about 45 minutes before Graham made his grand entrance into the world. He was born on July 23^rd, 2015 at 7:08pm, 8lbs 4oz and 20.5” long. They placed him on my chest and Andrew and I were just amazed. My whole labor, from 9am to 7:08pm was 10 hours! We were so excited to have our little boy.

Graham was a good sleeper from the beginning and the nursing staff prodded us to wake him to eat every 2-3 hours, but that was very challenging! We would have to strip him down to his diaper and mess with him a bit before he would open his eyes to eat. We had so many visitors waiting to meet him. I will never forget the look on my mom’s face when she turned the corner to see me holding my son. She had happy tears in her eyes and the look of pure joy and amazement.

My recovery wasn’t as bad as I had anticipated it might be, but it also was much more unusual than I thought it would be. The day after delivery, I got TERRIBLE pains in my hips and lower back and they were comparable to labor pains, in my opinion, I was in tears, rolling around my hospital bed in pain, so I was given Hydrocodone for the until I was discharged. I weaned myself off of the medicine by the time we went home but was given a prescription of it just in case I needed it. I was very tired, obviously, and we had our first cluster feeds our first night home. I sat for two hours trying to feed Graham – my milk was there, but keeping him awake and making sure he got the amount he needed was challenging and exhausting. I planned to strictly breastfeed but a few days home with him I learned that my milk wasn’t enough, which was a tough blow. Graham was born on Thursday, and mom stayed until Monday evening.My in-laws came to visit Tuesday evening and told Andrew and I to get some rest. I woke up in agonizing pain in my left kidney, again in tears, I woke Andrew and he called his mom into our room to talk about the pain. She texted our cousin Jennifer (who works at my OB's office) and she texted our doctor. They determined that if it was a kidney stone, there was nothing they could do for me so I was instructed to take a Hydrocodone and a hot shower before trying to go to sleep. I had the pain throughout the night and was miserable. At this point, I knew I didn’t want to try to nurse Graham due to having heavy medicine in my system and feeling so lousy, that we decided to let Jennifer bring us some supplemental formula to give Graham throughout the night. I was devastated. I had hoped to strictly breastfeed and not give him bottles until about 6 weeks old, but I knew I physically couldn’t feed him that night. I was saddened by my shattered plans and cried until I fell asleep. Andrew was wonderful and supportive as always, trying to comfort me in my time of heartache.

We went to the doctor the next morning to find out that the pain was normal and that when a uterus shrinks back down to size it can bump other organs, such as the kidneys, irritating them. At this point, Graham was 6 days old and spent the morning with my mother-in-law while I went to the doctor. She put him down on a blanket for tummy time and he miraculously lifted his head off the ground! From day one Graham has been physically strong! He lifts his head off of your shoulder if you try to burp him, lifts his head, pushes his feet against you when you change his diaper, he’s a strong little guy! Did I also mention that he has shown signs of rolling over since about 6 days old too? He’s also been in size 1 diapers since about 4 days old and hardly fits in newborn size clothes! My little man is growing up so fast! 

After my kidney debacle, I started having anxiety attacks at night. When I layed down to sleep I felt like I was being choked by fluid or swelling in my chest and neck, making it hard to sleep on top of my sleep deprivation. My mother-in-law stayed with us for 3 nights to help with Graham and we had Graham’s 1 week pediatric visit on Thursday. We LOVE our pediatrician and Graham had a good appointment overall. The doctor said Graham had broken his left collar bone during delivery (which was shocking and heartbreaking!), but it would heal on its own and that we had to watch out for ingrown toenails. Graham had maintained his hospital discharge weight of 7lbs 15oz and the doctor seemed pleased with that.

Graham had his first bath at 8 days old and later that evening, my Mom and brother came down to visit. My brother was only able to stay the weekend since he was going to start his first batch of hospital rotations the following Monday, ironically in OBGYN, and he wanted the first baby he ever held to be his Godson! How sweet! He did great with Graham and we loved having him visit (he hadn’t seen our house yet either!). When I told my brother about my panic attacks, he said it made him think of Postpartum Thyroiditis – and when we looked that up, all of the symptoms seemed to match mine! I planned to go into the doctor the next day to have my thyroid levels checked, and then miraculously, my nightly anxiety attacks stopped. My mom was able to stay through Andrew’s whole first week of school and thank goodness for her! She kept up with all of our chores around the house, helped with the baby, made sure I was taken care of and even got me back to feeling like myself again! It’s been hard on Andrew to be away from Graham but we’re working on making him feel extra special while he’s gone! We’ve left little notes on the bathroom mirror and made lunch for him a few times with little notes on his sandwich baggies!

At 13 days postpartum I finally got my energy back! I’m still attempting to pump every few hours and give it to Graham in a bottle along with his supplemental formula. He is still sleeping and eating about every 4 hours, and we’ve had to up his bottle intake a few times already! At a few days old he was drinking 2oz at a time, and now at 14 days old he easily drinks 2.5oz at each feeding. He’s been sleeping in the Rock’N’Play that my mother-in-law bought from Jennifer and it has been awesome! I had hoped to put him in his crib from day one, but with him almost rolling over, it made me super nervous. Then we tried to put him in his Pack’N’Play, but he was not a fan of that either. We also gave him a pacifier much earlier than I intended, but he found his fingers pretty quickly and I know it’s easier to take away a pacifier in a few years than it is to take away his fingers. Graham is such a good baby! He really only cries when he’s cold or hungry – we’re so blessed to have him in our lives! He’s so loved by so many!

Happy Living & God's Blessings!

J.M.