My Faith Since I Became a Mom

I've always felt an intense desire to have a strong faith and relationship with God, but I didn't always know how and when to apply myself. I dabbled in scripture reading and devotions here and there throughout my young adult life and I even participated in a few small groups, but it wasn't until I became a mother that I felt the urgency to get my beliefs and understanding together so that I could help establish a strong Christian foundation for Graham. 

Within the last 2 years, I have found myself praying more and being more intentional about my prayers, especially when saying grace with Graham before his meals. He gets so excited to fold his hands when he hears the word "pray" and even when he thinks he hears the word, it's kind of adorable. At first I used a common little rhyming prayer that he would do the hand motions to, but then he got tired of that and honestly, so did I. It was empty, and to him it probably just seemed like another song that we sing to play, so I started saying "pray" and then we talk about the things we are thankful for. He enjoys grace much more and even claps when we're done, but at this age, it's probably because he knows he's about to get food.

Something else I started within this last week is utilizing the free devotions that come with my Bible app on my phone. I started searching the many topics that are available and found so many that I'm interested in that I had to save most of them for later. I couldn't choose just one, since they're so short and straight to the point, so I chose four to start with, one about marriage and sex, two about parenting and one about motherhood. Each of these free devotions are different lengths, but I set up reminders in my phone to pull them up about an hour after Graham goes to bed each night, and so far, I haven't skipped a day! I have already completed two of the original four I started and have since picked up another, totaling to three devotions right now. The new one I picked up is about uncovering basic faith and knowledge of Christian, something that I think I lack. I have found all of these devotions to be helpful, and I love how quick they are to get through and yet so informative while I try to give God at least 30 minutes of my hectic day. 

Since I started these devotions, I feel happier and more alert to things around me. I feel purpose and I feel a stronger connection with God and with my family.

Happy Living & God's Blessings!

J.M.

Breastfeeding: I Don't Think I'm Going to Attempt it This Time and Here's Why

The thought of breastfeeding has been on my mind a lot, mostly because I will have the opportunity to try breastfeeding my second son when he's born, and I have many friends who are either still breastfeeding or starting to wean their kids from breast milk.

I had always heard how hard breastfeeding would be so I mentally prepared myself to have a rough time with it at first, but my ultimate goal was to exclusively breastfeed Graham for the first year. My experience trying to breastfeed Graham was a short one, lasting less than a week, but two main issues occurred: Graham and I couldn't get in sync with one another so one of us always ended up frustrated, and I was misinformed about breastfeeding struggles and strategies. 

From the moment he was born, nurses tried to teach me how to breastfeed and after about 20 minutes of trying they gave me a nipple shield and threatened that if I could not get Graham to successfully eat within 2-3 hours after birth, they would be forced to put him on formula. This was wrong on so many levels, the first being that Graham was much more interested in sleeping than eating within the first few hours of life, and secondly this put a ton of pressure on me after just having given birth. It was emotional, and Andrew, Graham and I all spent the first night of his life in tears as frustration and panic set in. 

The next morning, the hospital staff sent in a lactation consultant who spent an hour with us trying to get Graham to feed. Her first comment was that I didn't need a nipple shield but could use one if it helped and she really had little to no assistance to offer me. She tried tickling Graham's toes and rubbing his jaw to get him to wake and eat, but he was clearly uninterested. Once home, Graham and I continued to struggle to connect with one another on the nursing front. He would get so frustrated trying to eat and end up shaking his head everywhere instead of calmly eating and finally we were offered some supplemental formula as we tried to work on things. 

I then tried pumping, but I didn't produce very much since I chose not to religiously pump and wake up every 2 hours to strengthen or maintain my supply. I remember visiting our pediatrician the first week Graham was home and I asked if there was anything I could do to make my milk more nutritious, since I would pump two ounces and he would gobble it down and want more. The doctor said there was nothing I could do, which I later learned was incorrect information, so I gave up and switched to exclusively formula feeding. At first, I was devastated about this decision. I felt like I terrible mom and a quitter. I felt down because I wasn't supplying my child with the basic food that my body was designed to give him. I felt like I was cheating us all of the experience I had dreamed about. I thought it was the end of the world, but actually EFF had lots of benefits: I knew how much my son was eating, he had a more predictable eating schedule, other people could help feed and enjoy feeding him, knocking out night feedings wasn't very traumatic for us, he slept longer periods at night, weaning from formula and eliminating bottles wasn't as emotionally difficult, and I could feed him anytime anywhere without having to cover up or find privacy. And actually, he is 15 months old now and has yet to be sick, which is interesting since my seven other mom friends with toddlers all breastfed and all of their kids have had colds at least once in the last year. 

So here I am, expecting our second child on 2/217 and wondering what I should do knowing what I know now. I was just talking with my friends who are still struggling to night wean their 1 year olds or wean altogether and I'm hearing them say things like "it's not worth fighting little one during the night so I still feed them on demand" or "I'm not ready to wean yet" and I feel bad for them, for that whole other level of emotional detachment that mom and baby will have to experience that I was able to bypass. It sounds heart breaking and I'm glad I didn't have to experience it with my first. So I'm wondering if I should even sign up for breastfeeding this time around, but I honestly feel like the worst mom for choosing not to if I'm able to. I guess at the end of the day though, as long as my children are fed, that's what matters most!

Happy Living & God's Blessings!

J.M.

Bumpdate

One of the most important weeks of pregnancy is week 24, viability week! What does viability week mean? It means that any point from here on out, our son has a greater chance or survival if he was born early! It's a milestone week to reach and I can't believe we're already here and how fast this pregnancy is going! Being so busy with life and chasing a 14 month old has sure made this pregnancy fly by! In fact, I've been blessed by feeling great for most of this pregnancy! 

Since I last updated you, we found out we're having another little boy (YAY!)! We are so very excited to have two sweet little men in our lives! He is very happy and healthy, praise God! We decided not to have a gender reveal party this time...okay I decided that, but we did find out the gender in a cute way! We had Andrew's cousin Jennifer (who did our scan) poke holes in the wrong color balloon so only the blue "It's a Boy" balloon actually worked! I was hoping for another boy, but since this pregnancy seemed to be going a bit smoother than my pregnancy with Graham, I was starting to think maybe a girl was in our future!

I haven't been as diligent taking belly pictures this time around but here are a few (weeks 19-22). 

Happy Living & God's Blessings!

J.M.